just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
even my farts smell like vagina
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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