do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
