I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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