I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
