why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
