shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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