i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
