Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
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