dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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