we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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