Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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