were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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