Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
