I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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