I met the friendliest cop last night
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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