bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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