I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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