So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
