I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
