Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
