i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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