Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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