Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
