Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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