I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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