remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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