Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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