i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
