I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
