I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
