I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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