we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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