how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
