on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
