Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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