I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
