She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
