Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
