Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
