I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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