In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize