If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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