Quick, to the slutcave!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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