I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
