I just cut my nipple shaving
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
