First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
