it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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