Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
