I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm like, not good at living.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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