i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
