I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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