I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
