How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
