How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
