Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
