I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
