Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
