You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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