i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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