He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
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He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
