I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
