this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
