good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
