I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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