you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize