i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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