I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
