I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
