I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
